Before you say “I do”, what might make you say “I don’t”?

Most couples in the UK live together before they eventually marry or form a civil partnership. A setup that people may have frowned upon decades ago is now the norm. Often financial pressures of housing, children and life, push the actual ceremony down the line by months or even years.

This means there are thousands of couples living together, sharing their lives, finances and responsibilities who have said “I will” but haven’t reached the “I do” point of the deal.

But what happens when someone has said “I will” but then realises they want to say “I don’t”?

How do you unpick an engagement and all of the associated financial ties that bind?

And what happens if you have already said “I do” but then realise it’s come to the point of “I don’t (anymore)”?

The law around cohabitation

If you live together but are not engaged, then generally speaking, the law treats you no differently from friends. There is no provision for one person to financially support the other on separation or share pensions. If one of you owns the house you’ve shared, the other may not be entitled to any share of its value or even be able to remain living there beyond a few weeks.

If you are engaged but not married, you may acquire a few rights in respect of how property might be dealt with and whether or not someone has to return an engagement ring, but it’s still pretty limited. Changes in Family Law often happen slowly, but there have been recent significant calls for change in cohabitation laws.

If you have signed on that line and married/civil partnered, then you have acquired more rights and responsibilities under the law, but even still some results remain quite uncertain and could vary significantly in the event of a relationship breakdown.

Because of this uncertainty, the only way to truly try to protect your rights is to put something in writing to avoid disputes and financial vulnerabilities should the relationship end.

People living together can have a cohabitation agreement or a living-together agreement.

Those engaged can enter into a pre-nuptial/pre-marital agreement.

Those married can have a post-nuptial/post-marital agreement (often to support a pre-nup but can stand alone too).

All of these written documents can offer a level of security and confidence for both people in the relationship and their wider families (children and parents/grandparents who might bequeath money and property in the future). An experienced family law specialist will be able to advise you about how to approach these and how to make them as strong as possible, taking into account any recent updates to legislation. Whilst they are not absolutely binding in law, they are taken into consideration in courts, and are legally persuasive so getting it right is really important. Having them in place can also save a lot of time, money and heartache should the worst happen and the relationship break down.

So, before you take any leaps into living together or buying that sparkly piece of jewellery, talk to your partner and get legal advice from a family law solicitor.

Here at Geldards, all of our senior team can advise you about your rights and responsibilities in any relationship variation you might have.