TV divorce dramas; Fact or Fiction? The views of a Family Law Partner

I really ought to stick with TV medical dramas. I wouldn’t know my DVT from my DNI so at least if they get it wrong, I don’t know they’ve got it wrong!  Alas, not so with legal dramas! I understand that they have to use a little bit of dramatic licence to translate the often humdrum reality of a divorce lawyer’s life into a headline grabbing, exciting TV series fronted by household names, but it is frustrating to watch when you know the reality!

So, following the recent trend for legal dramas involving divorce lawyers and particularly for those of you who have been glued to the TV watching “War” with Sienna Miller and Dominic West or “The Split Up”, let me debunk a few family law myths in case those of you who are unfortunately going through the process yourselves get completely the wrong idea about what that process involves.

Being served divorce papers at work in front of all your colleagues?

Divorce proceedings are usually issued online these days. They are rarely served personally and then generally only if the respondent does not reply. The applicant to the proceedings is not allowed personally to serve the respondent him/herself however tempting that may be! For those of you old enough to remember the early days of “East Enders” that applies to you, Dirty Den! Furthermore, in England we do not, except in TV land, serve at the respondent’s place of work and certainly not on the red-carpet at a film premiere!

Family Mediation is compulsory. Not true!

Family mediation is, where successful, a much quicker and much cheaper process than litigating through the courts.  That said, it is not a compulsory process, whatever your TV lawyer might have you believe! If you are contemplating court proceedings, then you would generally be required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (“MIAM”) as a precursor to issuing court proceedings but you are not required to mediate if, for whatever reason, you feel that the mediation is inappropriate for your case.

If you do choose to mediate then trust me, the mediation does not generally start the day after the issue of proceedings! There will generally be an initial meeting with the mediator and the couple will then be asked to provide their financial disclosure.  Particularly with the super-rich, this, as you might expect, would be a fairly lengthy and painstaking process. No progress can be made whether in mediation or negotiation or court proceedings until financial disclosure on both sides has taken place. And trust me, Sienna is going to want hubby’s business valuing which will take months.

Furthermore, mediation meetings are not routinely attended by the couple’s legal teams and generally take place face-to-face with the mediator rather than the mediator being merely used as a postie personally delivering offers and counteroffers between legal teams, as in the recent episode of “War” where the unfortunate Mediator spent most of her time tottering up and down some very steep stairs in heels clutching each party’s “bottom line”. Why they couldn’t have had the parties in adjoining rooms was unclear!

The other party’s adultery will not automatically, if ever, affect the outcome.

It is pure fiction to say that the Judge will “not be happy” that one of the parties has committed adultery! Behaviour, save where it has a clear financial impact, is not generally relevant in financial settlement negotiations and the Judge will certainly not be the slightest bit interested in who has done what with whom and when!

Nor does it give you grounds for divorce. We have a no fault system for divorce in this country.

So Sienna setting up her husband for a night of hanky panky with her mate to kick off the divorce was all a bit of a waste of time! It hasn’t done anything other than to set poor Sienna up for being blackmailed (no plot spoilers; I haven’t seen Episode 3 yet!)

You are required to arbitrate. Again, not true

If you issue financial remedy proceedings to sort out your finances, you do not generally then go straight to mediation and if that fails, arbitration. Although mediation can take place alongside court proceedings, it is generally an alternative.  Likewise, arbitration. You might mediate, and if that fails, consider arbitration or court proceedings but you would not have all three going at the same time. Furthermore, it is not correct that arbitration is a required process.  It is entirely voluntary on both sides.

Jargon

We lawyers do get criticised for using jargon but I was bemused by the threat to “go long” in a recent episode of “War”! In nearly 40 years of practising family law, it is the first time I have heard that expression! Nor do we try and out manoeuvre the other party’s legal team by threatening to be more nasty and vicious than they are in the proceedings! Any decent family lawyer will try and broker a fair and constructive outcome and help their clients to part, wherever possible, respectfully and cordially, particularly where there are children involved. The level of aggression shown in some recent legal dramas is neither encouraged nor rewarded by the court.

Planting spies? Pure fiction!

And finally, we do not “plant” legal spies in the other side’s legal team! I cannot believe for one minute that that has ever actually happened but it would mean a certain striking off and an abrupt and permanent end to the transgressor’s legal career, quite apart from enormous fines and costs penalties for the firm involved.

By all means, enjoy your legal dramas but please do take them with a pinch of salt! And if you need real legal advice for your real life, get in touch below.