Good Divorce Week 2025: including and supporting your children through a separation

Continuing with the theme of “good divorce” that doesn’t have to mean increased conflict, in this article, we will look at Child Inclusive Mediation as a possible option for separating parents to explore with their children.

What is Child Inclusive Mediation?

In a previous article, we gave examples of Non-Court Dispute Resolution (NCDR) that families can turn to instead of going to Court, such as mediation. Mediation is a process where an independent, trained professional supports you and your ex-spouse to reach agreements about important issues such as property, pensions and other finances but also arrangements for your children.

Where mediation is about children arrangements, the Government also offers a voucher scheme contributing £500 to the joint sessions of mediation (find out more here)

Where parents and carers are trying to work out what might be best for the child/ren in their lives, please don’t forget that the children might also need or want a say in that future. Mediation can include them too.

Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM), as the name suggests, is where your children can be invited to meet with your mediator (or indeed a separate mediator) to express their wishes and feelings or even contribute their thoughts on arrangements in the future. The mediator will agree with the children what will be shared with their parents, and then the parents are invited to a separate feedback session.

This does not mean that your children will be asked by the mediator to make a choice between their parents or make any decisions. CIM should not be viewed as overruling parental responsibility, but an opportunity for both parents or carers to talk to the children about what they feel is right for them in a neutral environment. Quite often the young person in the middle of a separating family will have lots of ideas and even the solutions that the adults haven’t even considered.

If your children are of an age where they are able to communicate their wishes and feelings effectively and both the parents/carers and the child agree to attend CIM, this may be a calmer, less combative and cost-effective way to resolve family matters. There is of course, no obligation for your child to attend CIM if they do not want to.

What are the benefits?

CIM has a range of benefits such as:

• Children can sometimes feel that their voice is lost in their parents’ separation. CIM is designed for your children to share their worries, give their perspective on future arrangements so that you, as the parents, can make the decisions that best meets their needs.
• Children may feel more comfortable sharing their ideas or concerns with an independent third party.
• The sessions are confidential (known as without prejudice) and cannot be referred to in later Court proceedings if initiated later on.
• It creates a forum for you and the other parent to discuss matters openly and possibly implement arrangements that you may not have considered before.
• It helps you and your children develop other means of communication and aims to avoid children being ‘caught in the crossfire’ of two separating parents.

If you would like more information on CIM, please contact Fiona Apthorpe or Belinda Moseley, our team Family Mediators.