Spotlight on - Ranjit Kaur

Ranjit Kaur, an Advanced Paralegal in Geldards’ Family team, knows only too well what a lifeline legal representation can be in challenging domestic situations. Following her own experience of domestic abuse in her first marriage, and her children being taken without consent by her ex-husband, she chose a legal career.

We talk to Ranjit about how her own difficult life experiences led her to realise she wanted a career that would help others in a similar situation. She has spent over two decades juggling home life, working full-time, and studying to gain a Chartered Legal Executive (CILEX) qualification, which she is determined to use to help others.

Why did you want to work in Family Law?

The main reason I started working in law was my own experience surviving domestic abuse in my first marriage. Things had reached a crisis point in my marriage, my young children had been taken by my now ex-husband, and I was in a desperate situation. I am forever grateful to the solicitor who fought on my behalf in my time of need and helped get my children back.

Education wasn’t prioritised in my family. My parents were born in India and my Dad came over to the UK in the 1960s for a job in a foundry with Mum following a few years later. They had an arranged marriage.  Mum arrived at the airport with just a photo of the man she was due to marry, she had never met him. I am one of five children and growing up our first language at home was Punjabi. I picked up a few words from my older siblings but didn’t learn English until I started school.

Dad worked very hard in the foundry, mainly working nights, while my mum worked as a machinist in the day. Somehow between them they managed to juggle jobs and look after us all. My older sister helped out a lot, getting us ready for school. School photo days always stood out for me, as mum would wake us up ridiculously early to do our hair herself before she went to work, to make sure we all got nice school photos!

“Mum arrived at the airport with a photo of the man she was due to marry, she had never met him.”

You had an arranged marriage?

The expectation was for us all to have arranged marriages – which we did. I was the only one of my siblings to attend college so I felt very fortunate.  On leaving college I got a job in the finance department of a local college, and by the time I was 19 years old I had entered into an arranged marriage. Sadly, I found myself in an abusive situation. Looking back, I realise now that everything going on in the marriage wasn’t right, but it was hard to see at the time. My ex-husband was controlling and coercive and subjected me to physical and mental abuse. I was very young and concerned about what other people would think if I left the marriage. I didn’t want to feel like I had failed.

Despite being constantly told I was doing everything wrong and doubting myself at every step, I kept talking myself into giving the marriage another shot. I hid a lot of things from my parents. Everything came to a head at my little sister’s wedding when my ex-husband revealed his true colours to my family. Everyone usually only saw the ‘Mr Wonderful’ side he was careful to show the family, but his abusive behaviour towards me was apparent to everyone at the wedding and that is what gave me the strength to leave him.

“I hid a lot of things from my parents.”

It was make or break time. While my sister was preparing the leave the family home and start her new life, I was battling a major life decision. As soon as the wedding was over and I was back at my parents’ house, my Dad asked what I wanted to do. My husband was sitting outside in the car waiting to take me home.  I remember saying to my Dad ‘If I go back, at best I will end up in hospital, at worst I will end up dead’. My parents supported me in my decision to leave.

“His abusive behaviour towards me was apparent to everyone and that is what gave me the strength to leave him.”

Was divorce difficult for you?

I was the first in my family to go through a divorce and at that time divorces in the British Asian community were very rare. We had separated and were in the process of sorting out arrangements for our young children. At the first court hearing my ex-husband didn’t turn up. His solicitor told me he had taken our children to Blackpool for a day trip, which was very out of character.

While I was sitting outside the courtroom, I had a phone call from someone in the textile factory where I worked telling me he had taken the children and flown them to India. My world fell apart; it was really scary. I endured a week of sleepless nights, while a solicitor worked hard on my behalf to bring my children back to me. Within a week, the children were returned.

The heartache of not knowing when I would see my children again, and the legal support I got in that impossible situation made me realise how important Family law is, and it crossed my mind that I would like to work in this area.

“He had taken the children and flown them to India. My world fell apart.”

How did you start your legal career?

Living back at my parents’ house as a single parent, I returned to work as a machinist to support my family. I went back to college to gain some secretarial qualifications but didn’t have the confidence to progress my career. Eventually I realised I was wasting the skills I had learned at college, so I did some temping work and then got a job in a surveyor’s office completing digital dictations.

My legal career started in 2001 at what was then Robinsons Solicitors (which was later acquired by Geldards). I interviewed for a secretarial position in the Family team, although I wasn’t successful, I secured a job in Personal Injury where I remained for four years. By then I had remarried and when I returned from maternity leave after having my youngest son, I started working in the Family team as a legal secretary.

“I didn’t have the confidence to progress my career.”

Why Family law?

Going through the divorce process and experiencing everything I did, is one of the main things that pushed me into Family law. As an Asian woman I understand how difficult it is to take that first step and I want to help people in a similar situation.  It can feel like a very daunting process, and it’s challenging to go against cultural expectations for many people. It can take a lot of courage.

When I attend meetings with family clients, I can sympathise with how they are feeling. Often they are traumatised, very upset and have never been through anything like that before. I know from experience how difficult it is. There’s lots of legal jargon that clients won’t necessarily understand. The fact I speak Punjabi, Hindi and Urdu helps to overcome language barriers with clients and they feel comfortable with me, knowing I will deal sensitively with their concerns. In family law you need to be compassionate, and explain what to expect from the legal process, as well as what is realistically achievable and do some hand-holding too.

Living in an abusive relationship, whether it is physical or mental destroys you. At the end of the divorce process clients want to be able to close the front door, knowing that chapter of their life is finished. Then they can start a new chapter of a new book, which is completely different to what they have already been through. Achieving that peace of mind for clients is what motivates me  to get through the tough days.

“It can feel like a very daunting process, and it’s challenging to go against cultural expectations.”

What are your proudest achievements?

I started studying for a Chartered Legal Executive CILEX qualification in 2002. I was juggling family life looking after three young children, working full time and studying when I could. It was a lot to manage so I took few years’ break from studying.

With the support of my colleagues in Geldards’ Family team, I resumed my studies four years ago. It wasn’t all plain sailing; I had failed my Contract Law exam three times and was ready to give up. I told myself that if I failed again, I was going to stop.  Luckily, I passed the exam and am extremely proud to have graduated last year. I have now submitted my portfolio and it has just been approved, so I am finally a fully qualified Chartered Legal Executive!

The same month I passed the CILEX exam, I was shortlisted for the Women & Diversity in Law Awards ‘Unsung Hero’ award for my work in the team helping Asian women navigate the divorce process and coordinating a range of support networks for them to access. I was just pleased to be shortlisted, especially when I saw the brilliant things the other nominees were doing.

I couldn’t believe it when I won the award! Clients had given me some really lovely feedback and it was so nice to see their appreciative comments.

“It wasn’t all plain sailing; I had failed my Contract Law exam three times and was ready to give up.”

What is it like working at Geldards?

 I can honestly say that I have made lifelong friends working at Geldards. The whole team is really supportive, which is so important. In this job you need to be able to run things past your colleagues and let off steam, working in isolation would not be healthy.

Our team is known for being the loudest in the office and we do enjoy a bit of banter. We recently had a team bonding session at outdoor laser tag. I might have shot the Head of the Family team Fiona Apthorpe a few times more than was strictly necessary! We joke that we have a love-hate relationship, I have known Fiona longer than I have known my youngest son.  We have a running joke between us that I keep a little black book in my drawer of all her quirks.…well, she thinks I’m joking anyway!!!

“Our team is known for being the loudest in the office, we enjoy a bit of banter.”

What do you enjoy doing outside of work?

I have always been independent and hope I have been a good role model for my three children who are all grown up, with their own kids now. They have all got really good jobs and they say “We have seen you struggle. If you can do it, we can do it.” My kids are really proud of me.

I am lucky to have two lovely grandchildren aged five and three and another one on the way. Now I have finished studying for the CILEX, I have got extra time on my hands and I love being with them.

For the first time in ages, I am not revising for an exam or completing my portfolio in between work, so I am learning to enjoy some quality time to myself. I am going on more holidays, spending time with friends and putting myself first. Everything is on my terms. After everything I have been through, it is time to focus on me.

“After everything I have been through, it is time to focus on me.”