Resolving finances in Divorce: in discussion with a divorce coach and a family lawyer

Following on from our article earlier this year about the emotional and practical barriers to divorce, Vanessa White, Divorce Coach and I sat down together to discuss our experiences when dealing with clients hoping to resolve their finances when divorcing. Vanessa offers valuable insights into what should be considered along the way.

For many people, the financial side of divorce can feel like the most overwhelming part of the process. While the legal framework itself follows a clear structure, Vanessa explained that the emotional response to discussing and dividing finances is often far more complex.

A common theme seen by professionals supporting individuals through divorce is fear and uncertainty – fear of the unknown, concerns about whether there will be enough to live on, and anxiety about managing money independently if a partner previously dealt with the finances. For some, this is the first time they have had to fully understand their financial situation, which can feel daunting.

At the same time, there is often pressure to resolve matters quickly. Divorce can bring a sense of urgency, particularly where individuals want to move on as soon as possible. However, rushing financial decisions without a clear understanding of the long-term implications can sometimes lead to regret later.

The different ways finances can be resolved

When a divorcing couple are trying to resolve their finances, there are several routes available.

Some couples are able to discuss matters directly, depending on how amicable the relationship is. Others may attend mediation, where a trained mediator helps guide discussions towards an agreement. Solicitors can also be instructed to correspond and negotiate on behalf of each party, usually alongside the exchange of financial disclosure. This is an important step which we would usually always recommend to ensure that they are very clear on what assets make up what we call the “matrimonial pot.” People can then enter into negotiations with a clearer idea of what there is to share.

If progress cannot be made through these routes, financial remedy proceedings through the Court may be necessary, although this is generally considered a last resort due to the cost and time involved. A few different Court hearings take place, but the option to settle remains available at any time throughout.

Importantly, this is not a one-size-fits-all process. Individuals may move between these options, for example engaging in mediation while also receiving legal advice.

The importance of understanding the full financial picture

A key part of any financial resolution is achieving “full and frank” financial disclosure. It is very difficult to negotiate a fair settlement without a clear understanding of what assets are available.

This typically involves both parties completing detailed financial statements (Form E), setting out assets such as bank accounts and pensions, as well as income and future needs.

Honesty during this process is critical. Attempting to hide assets or misrepresent financial circumstances can have serious consequences, particularly within court proceedings. If you think that your partner is not being completely transparent, raise this with your solicitors and do not try digging into information yourself.

When financial control becomes part of the problem

In some relationships, issues around financial control may become more apparent during separation. In others, these dynamics may have existed for many years but are only recognised at the point of divorce.

Vanessa explained how financial abuse can take many forms. One partner may have controlled all finances, restricted access to accounts, or withheld information about income and assets. In some cases, individuals may have been discouraged from working, leaving them financially dependent and thus, feeling much more exposed at the end of the relationship.

During divorce, these behaviours can continue in different ways, for example through delays or dishonesty in financial disclosure or refusal to engage constructively in negotiations. This can add significant stress, particularly where one party already feels financially vulnerable.

Vanessa stressed that it is important to help coaching clients recognise and understand that these behaviours may be part of a broader pattern of control. The right range of professional advice really helps individuals maintain healthy boundaries, communication and recovery post-divorce.

Is the financial agreement really final?

We are very pleased when we see clients agreeing as many matters as they can directly between themselves rather than engaging in the costly process of negotiations between solicitors.

Many people however do not know that even if you have agreed how everything is to be divided, this is not usually legally binding. Therefore, if your partner changes their mind, they can still do so.

To provide certainty and security, any agreement should be formalised through a consent order and approved by the Court.

Once approved by the Court, this should then deal with the conclusion of any financial claims you and your partner had against each other and allows you to move on with confidence.

Balancing short-term needs with long-term security

When negotiating financial settlements, it is natural for individuals to focus on immediate concerns such as where they will live, how they will pay bills, and how they will support their children.

However, divorce is not just about resolving today’s financial situation, it is also about creating a stable and sustainable future.

A common example is the emotional attachment to the family home. While remaining in the home can provide stability, particularly for children, taking this approach can sometimes come at the cost of other valuable assets, such as pensions or cash lump sums that may be more beneficial in the long term.

Even though benefiting from a pension can seem like a distant reality depending on how old everyone involved is, it is very important not to focus purely on benefiting now and potentially limiting your prospects in the future. This is often why we also advise clients to seek independent financial advice, alongside legal advice, to look at how best to maximise their financial potential within the realities of a financial settlement.

Looking at the bigger picture, including future income, retirement planning, and financial independence, can help ensure that decisions made now continue to support wellbeing in the years ahead. It can be really difficult to think ahead when you are still processing the emotional fall out of a relationship breakdown. This is where a supportive team of the right professionals behind you comes into play.

The risks of delaying financial decisions

Many people prioritise children’s arrangements or emotional recovery before addressing finances. However, delaying financial resolution can carry risks.

Until there is a final court order in place, many financial claims remain open. This means that assets, income and pensions can still be taken into account at a later date, even if circumstances have changed significantly since separation including new children (with another partner) and/or remarriage by one or both people.

Moving matters forward at the right time can therefore provide greater clarity and protection.

Similarly to Vanessa, we do also find that clients want to get this over and done with and as quickly as possible. Whilst this is very understandable, it is important to properly consider your options and ensure you have all the information at hand before making any proposals or accepting any proposals. You do not want to sell yourself short even if that feels easier or less exhausting at that point in time but it’s also important not to prolong things either as that also has downsides, not least the legal costs that may be involved.

Practical steps to move forward with confidence

While every situation is different, there are some consistent themes that can help individuals navigate the financial aspects of divorce more effectively:

• Gaining clarity on your financial position as early as possible can reduce uncertainty and support more productive discussions.
• Avoiding decisions driven by fear or urgency allows for better long-term outcomes.
• Building confidence in your financial future can be empowering and support independence after divorce.

A balanced and informed approach

Ultimately, resolving finances on divorce requires both practical and emotional considerations. While there may be a desire to conclude matters quickly, taking the time to fully understand your financial position, explore your options, and consider long-term outcomes is key.

With the right legal, financial and emotional support, individuals are better equipped to approach negotiations from a calm and informed position – helping them to achieve a fair settlement and move forward with confidence.

If you are struggling in your relationship or considering divorce, do please get in touch with Geldards Family Team, we would be more than happy to help.

Vanessa White can be reached at – coaching@vanessawhite.co.uk or 07772 332570

Vanessa and I will return again with the final article in our series; managing disputes about children following separation and how you can help them to adjust.